I Get So Emotional , Baby.........

It's been a while. Perhaps it should be longer because as they say, if you can't improve on silence, you shouldn't speak. My excuse is that I'm writing not speaking. Anyway, here's my attempt to improve on silence. You be the judge.

Use your emotions as guides What depresses you and makes you heavy? What makes you feel light and makes your heat soar? What makes you sad? What makes you fly? And no, the answer I'm looking for doesn't entail drugs!

Listen very very carefully to your emotions and feelings. Follow these "markers" closely and you will follow your heart, find your path and undertake your bliss. If something instantaneously sees you overwhelmed with joy, take special note of it. And vice versa, if something makes you feel sick, pay attention. It could be a sign that you are on the wrong track or just a reminder of what you desire. A contrast with which to compare, if you will.

However, don't become addicted to the good or the bad. Detachment is very important. Your emotions are your "way markers" but they are not you. They move you to action. Situations, according to your perception can jump from bad to good to bad to good in an instant. Stay connected to those feelings and you risk riding a very wild roller coaster. Instead, try and observe them from a distance and try not to get involved with them. I'm the first to acknowledge that this is not easy. You may think that this will make you cold, unfeeling and aloof. I believe the opposite. It will actually lead you to have deeper more meaningful experiences. You will be calm and grounded, allowing you to see the situation in full. Like looking at it through wide-angle and not with blinkers on. Respect and show gratitude for every situation. See the lesson, see how you can grow from it and experience it fully.

Remember always that you are forever fully submerged in love. Feel the deep warmth of it even when it's hard to do so. Know that each experience links up and leads you further up the ladder of enlightenment.

Don't think I'm being a spoilt sport though. Having crazy fun is important too, but take it for what it is. Don't over face it and place on it responsibilities that it cannot deliver. Enjoy it for the moment and treasure its memory. Another experience will be waiting for you just around the corner.

XXX

Greed Is Good. Or Is It? A Little Bit Perhaps?

I went and saw Wall Street 2 tonight. It gave me itchy feet to a degree. Stepping back into that trading room, even if it was just via the magic of cinema made me feel like I'd come home. Got me all sentimental and longing for it ever so slightly. Perhaps I'm being melodramatic. But it did get me thinking.....

As far as a job goes, the dealing room or trading floor is basically all I've known. All those computer screens, all those numbers, all those phones, all that banter, all those news flows, all that data and all that adrenaline. It's a very "all encompassing" way to view the world with breaking news constantly flowing in from every corner of the globe. It's also a very narrow way to look at the world- from a chair with six computer screens radiating down on you under artificial lighting all day every day. There had to be more to life. And when you start looking out of the office that you can't leave, your mind starts to wander and fantasise and you start wanting to address that issue.

So, that's what I did. I left that "cell" and stepped out into the beyond. It's a scary thing to do, leave all that security. Leave the one thing you're good at and the "labels" that your job lends you to make you feel worthwhile in life. But I had thought about it for a long time and had prepared for it as much as I could. Nothing truly prepares you for a big change like that though, and during the more difficult days of uncertainty you have to just ride the tide, go with the flow.

For some time I had wanted to do something a little more worthwhile. "Save the world" in my own small way. I wanted to change my approach to life and I had spent years addressing that. Living more from the heart with more compassion and gratitude. And it really did feel more real. A deeper, more grounding and truer way to be.

So, now I'm "living the dream" doing the things I've wanted to. Helping people feel better about themselves. There are also lots of other ideas on the boil to test me further, broaden my mind and contribute to others a little more as well as still being able to make a buck. And I look forward to it all. But tonight showed me something that I didn't realise. It's still there. That drive. That hunger. That determination. That addiction to adrenaline. Addiction? That's what it felt like, sitting there in that cinema. A drug addict viewing the prize but just out of reach of that longed for hit. The desire to step back into that familiarity. To that place where you know what's expected of you and how to come up with the goods. Like a reflex. No question. Just get in there and get the job done. Knowing that you can and knowing the high that comes from overcoming a frenetic, unpredictable and high-pressured environment.

That's when you start questioning who you are and what makes you tick. How you can be drawn to two ways of living that are polar opposites? The no nonsense, take-no-prisoners fight of the trader to the compassionate, calm heart-felt love of the soul-seeker. Is it an addiction or a defect? Should we be one or the other? Or should we take a more Taoist approach and embody a bit of both? That can be a challenging thing to balance though. Perhaps that's the lesson. Realising that both ways are possible and even necessary and can operate side by side and that we can remodel old skills and use them in new situations.

Another conundrum in the whole mystery that is life. Or perhaps it's not a mystery at all. Gordon Gekko would say that one approach is just human nature. And the other? Same answer.

Oh...and by the way, it's a super movie!!!!!

XXX

War...What Is It Good For?

To start, I just want to thank Edwin Starr for the title of today's blog. Thanks Edwin. Very cool song.

There's always a story in the news about the war in Iraq and Afghanistan. You just can't avoid it. Almost ten years on and I suspect you would need less than one hand to count the number of days during that period where either encounter hasn't been mentioned on the television or in the broadsheet. The topic of today was an Australian soldier who had served in Afghanistan turning his back on the army. In an irate email to his mate, he tells of a situation endured by troops during a certain gun fight where one soldier was killed. The email, that was leaked, berates the military for not supplying the troops with enough ammo or the right sort, insufficient back up and allowing the diggers to go into the situation with bad intelligence reports. It's a cutting email.

The night before I had sat through an Australian Story programme which focused on an Australian war correspondent who had served the equivalent of 80 odd tours in Iraq. The movie The Hurt Locker came to mind as this guy was obviously seriously screwed up by everything he had seen and experienced, but kept going back until he reached breaking point. Having brought his long list of consecutive consignments to an end, he still kept watching videos of the war, over and over and over. Why? I don't know. To try to understand it better? To try to understand his reactions to situations he had found himself in? To try to understand war full stop?

War has been part of human activity for thousands and thousands of years. It's what we do. Has there ever been a time when there wasn't some sort of war somewhere? I think not. The thing that amazes me is how prehistoric we are sometimes. What actually has war achieved? Peace? Perhaps, but for how long? Personal satisfaction for power hungry despots? Yes, but we all know they're a bit screwed in the head to begin with anyway, whether they lived thousands of years ago or today, and often even when they wear a suit and tie (a very clever disguise for all those Westerners out there, dear reader).

Humans seem fascinated by war and disaster. Just look how many of us couldn't stop watching those Twin Towers fall over and over and over again nine years ago. Don't worry, I'm not judging or accusing anyone, I include myself in that group. I also love historical novels about war. Hannibal and his elephants fascinate me, Roman army tactics can keep me in awe for hours, and the war strategies of Alexander The Great leave me speechless and impressed. But why? Is it part of who we are as humans? Is it something we have to do, just to be a mammal on this planet? I watch the television and see grown men (or not so grown if I'm honest, which makes it all the sadder) pump lead into each other, and if I detach myself enough I can see how utterly ridiculous and immature it seems.

Is this because as humans we crave initiation and awakening in what is termed the hero's journey? Think along the lines of Jason and the golden fleece. The point of the story is not just to pop you off to sleep at night. It's about overcoming your adversity by finding your inner strength and reaching your bliss as a result. The point is, the journey is an inner journey, not an outer one. Yes, you may have to overcome outer obstacles and situations to put you on that inner journey, but you have to deal with yourself, not "what's out there". Is this what we are trying to achieve in a rough and primitive fashion globally by creating war? Or is it a cunning ploy by "those in charge" to keep us in fear and hence make us easier to control? Possibly, but it's up to each of us not to buy into that.

Humans supposedly have a higher consciousness than other animals. Many believe we are more more developed both in spirit and in the mind; that our brain is structured differently, more evolved so to speak. Alberto Villodo, PhD tells of the four levels of awareness, the reptilian brain, the limbic brain, neocortex and prefrontal cortex. The former two are of a prehistoric brain and based on survival. The latter two are more evolved and wiser in their functioning. A lot of the time we don't evolve to use the latter to their potential, sticking to the former with the idea of an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth.

It's easy to look at everything going on out there and say that the problem is too big, that you're too small to make a difference. But, as Gandhi said, you have to be the change you want to see in the world. A lot of individuals put together can make up a considerable group, and who knows, perhaps the theory of critical mass holds true and we only need a certain amount to change the whole. Perhaps we need to take a leaf out of Mother Theresa's book. When asked to protest against war, she said she wouldn't. But have a rally for peace, and she would be there for sure. SHe was focusing on the positive.Enough of pointing the finger and time to make the change for ourselves. And no matter how important and intelligent those world leaders out there look on our television sets, they're just humans and they (very obviously) have their fears. Let's help them out.

Now, perhaps I'm being way too idealistic. Maybe the gods want us to war with each other for their own entertainment and maybe my own interest in war is what concerns me. I don't know, but thought it was worth a thought. :-)

XXX